1/22/00  

[Current music: REM -  Green; Bush - The Science of Things]

"Dreams they complicate my life"

My aunt called me this morning to thank me for the flowers. "How are you doing?" I asked. "I feel like I've been beaten by a baseball bat." And she sounded like it. Words with little moans and gasps in between. She said she was still groggy from the anesthesia. Nasty stuff, that anesthesia. She would be on a liquid diet for two weeks, including her medication which was all in liquid form.

She said the flowers were very beautiful, and added that it was nice to know that someone loved her. "Of course I love you, silly" I replied. She laughed. She told me of the delivery of the flowers to the house. As the delivery man was walking to the door, my cousin (who is down there taking care of her) wondered who they were from. My uncle took one look and said that there was only one person who would send flowers like those. Me. I paused at this point of the conversation, confusion coming over me. Was this good or bad? I told my love of this conversation and she laughed at me. "You're uncle is right, you're extravagant." she mused. Again confusion came over me, like a caveman pondering fire for the first time. Huh? Waggy? I don't think of it as extravagance, but an attempt to demonstrate the breadth of my feelings. I have a hard time putting a price tag on my wishes.

"This is my world, and I am world leader pretend"

I went shopping today with my love. I tend to get grumpy in this situation, hating the jammed parking lot and bumping into people. Some days I can be so damn misanthropic. "You're being Grumblestiltskin" my love commented. I looked at her from the corner of my eyes and giggled. She was right.I felt better later after I brought a new pillow. I was looking at another pillow until I discovered it was $170. "Whoa! I'm in the wrong pillow section." I also brought (well, actually she paid for everything) a sauté pan. Now I can sear items and stick the seared items in the oven in the sauté pan to finish cooking the items. Wegis knows what I'm talking about.

"as darkness craves the mind
we come undone without or pride ...
i need to lose to make it right
i'll confront the stars tonight
i will babble, i will bite ..."

I couldn't watch the eclipse of the moon and watch it turn blood red because of clouds. Bummer. I suppose it's for the best, lest a demon take hold of soul and wear my skin for awhile. Now there's a cool rumor I can start. Har.

"there are days
i fear for my life ..."

My mother emailed me to thank me for the Christmas presents I sent via Amazon. CDs for bro, video set for Pop, and books for her. Then she let me know that she already had two out of the three books. I'm such a dumbass.