A girlfriend (Cody - are you out there?) in high school used one
of my poems for a class project. I thought she had picked one I called
"The Dreamer" but she called it "Teardrop." I asked her
why she called it that, and she said it was because I had drawn a
teardrop in the border of the page. It turned out that she picked
another story I had written about a boy helping a friend, a girl,
through a breakup. People cried and she got an A+. I still think
"The Dreamer" would have been a better choice. But it was the
greatest compliment to have made people cry with words I had written. Is
that strange, or ego, or what?
I remember meeting Cody at the bus stop one night. She cried as she told me that they (mother and her) were leaving for Texas. Dad was an over-controlling asshole (you can probably throw in some other negative stuff and be right), and they were escaping. Our relationship was over before it began.
It began at a New Year's Party. She was there and we talked the whole night. I was going out with Tammy at the time, and I had told Cody about her that at some point. At the end of the evening, as she was walking out the door, she told me "Whenever you break up with her, give me a call." I'm pretty sure my mouth dropped open. This was high school, and things like this didn't happen. Maybe it didn't and I just fantasized the whole thing. Or maybe this memory is greatly skewed in my favor. Anyway, I was stunned. And she was very cute.
They (Tammy and Cody) both showed up at one of my soccer games. I was completely torn. I spent most of the time with Tammy, but kept looking over at Cody.
I later broke up with Tammy, and she cried. I felt like a complete asshole, which I actually was. There was no valid reason for the breakup save for my infatuation with Cody. Tammy was pretty and very sweet, and there I was making lame excuses for ending our relationship.
And then Cody suddenly left for Texas. Serves me right, I suppose.
Friends told me that Tammy had gone into the Air Force and had become an air traffic controller. She turned out to be a total babe, they told me with a wry grin. Figured. I told my dad, who liked her, and thought I was an asshole for breaking up with her. "Serves you right" was his reply. Yeah, I know.
"When I leave, I don't know what I'm hoping to find
Whenever people (especially women) tell me "oh you're so nice." I grimace. Because of memories such as these. I'm sorry Tammy.